Volume 35 Number 2 Article 2
In a car park at morning, we assemble forlorn
Nearer to noon than to others' post dawn
Chit-chat, creaking and packing of bags
The wastrels take time-out to grab their last fags
Then without warning we're off and away
Bumbling along up the hill for the day
Many times us four have walked in the past
Strider, joker, know-nout, me last
In seconds he's there ten yards up ahead
And we're dragged along with invisible thread
Don't try to catch him or surely you'll find
He'll speed up some more to leave you behind
But you can't stop yourself `cos you want to talk
About things that you see on this lovely walk
So you push yourself on till you draw alongside
Panting and stumbling with complete loss of pride
You can't get the words out in between breaths
Heartbeat a-racing toward imminent death
It's not worth the effort for he's miles away
But he'll still think it's been a wonderful day
So you drop back to your pace a sound mountaineer
To be caught up by 'know nout' to bend your poor ear
With "is it much further?" and 'what's that there for?"
"I don't know my dear, never been here before"
You know that it's useless it'll happen again
With "what is the soil here?" "what height do we gain?"
"Is this the main road?" and "are we on some moor?"
"Don't know, I'm sorry, not been here before"
OK that's enough, time to stop for some snacks
Then in comes a joker to foul up our pack
With that neatly placed rock at the base of your bag
Certain to make your wobbly legs sag
Not happy with this there's the tug on your straps
While crossing a stream has you in a flap
Or stomping in puddles daubing you with brown slime
He thinks it's funny, while you look sublime
It's a nightmare from beginning to end
A nice gentle walk with some good old friends
The pub's the best part as you sit cold and damp
You shoot off your stool 'cos you've just got cramp
Five pints of bitter, two whiskies, relaxing
Two bags of peanuts, crisps and pork scratchings
With aching old limbs I limp out the door
Singing "I'll never play Wild Rover no more"