Volume 32 Number 2 Article 3
The Curse of the CRG Extensions
The Time: Pig Roast Day
The Place: CRG Extensions
The Cast: Starring: Ray Duffy, Dave Edland, Angela Hare, Andy Pringle, Jane Chilton
With Guest appearance from: Neil Pacey, Paul Stacey
and introducing Paul Wilkinson
The day of the annual Red Rose Pig Roast had arrived. This years extravaganza included a mass surveying experience down the Easegill system. Eager cavers were flocking to Bullpot Farm to help finish off the Easegill Survey. More to the point - a few suckers who hadn't put two and two together, that this was the finishing off bit, it was bound to be the parts that no other survey team could (or would) reach that would be left for them to do.
Waiting to volunteer my services to British Speleology, I bumped into Dalek. "Don't do the CRG Extensions, they're the bit to avoid" he muttered darkly. "Ah." said Ray Duffy, "if you and Angela are looking for an easy job, survey from Limerick Junction to the hole in the floor of the CRG Extensions, me and Dave'll do the nasty bit from there to Cobweb Chamber." What could possibly go wrong with that? They say that there is one born every minute, or in this case three - as we were joined by Andy Pringle as we agreed to the silver-tongued Mr Duffy's plan.
Off set the intrepid cavers in small teams. Round the Top Sink shakehole they were arranged in small groups sounding like competitors in "Stars in there Eyes." We had Stacey and Pacey (which one most resembles Mary Beth?) later joined by Paul Wilkinson to make up that well known firm of solicitors; Stacey, Pacey and Wilkinson. No, ah well... Then there was a smile a song and a survey, the cheeky cockney, singer Chas and Dave - sorry, Ray and Dave. Finally we had the cheap Pinewood film-on-a-budget team, The Graduate (alias Andy Pringle), The Demon Doctor (alias Angela Hare) and The Schoolmistress (alias Jane Chilton).
We descended the cave to the refrains of "I am the Walrus" from the Graduate who was in fine voice. "I hope you all know about Pi R squared." said the Schoolmistress and looked severely at the team. "Well strike me blind my old china," said Ray at the bottom of the next pitch, "did anyone pick up my survey kit?" Shakes of the head all round. "Keep your pecker up," replied Dave our cheeky Cockney chappie, "we'll join up with the Pinewood Studios Team."....
Sometime later at Limerick Junction. "What did you say this passage was?" "It's up here." "What, up that really, muddy, slippery slope?" "Yes." "Heigh-ho." Off went Pacey and Stacey to investigate the Booth-Eyre Crawl. Everyone else doddled along, holding tapes, peering through muddy compass and clino lenses and writing down cryptic notes.
Unfortunately the Graduate was in charge of finding survey stations. "Where do we go now? I feel like a right berk standing here." protested Hare. "The traverse looks like a grave undertaking to me," grumbled the Schoolmistress. "It's an easy straddle Mrs. Robinson." called the Graduate. "I'll see you in hell first!" cackled the Demon Doctor laughing wildly. "It's a bit Welsh." called the Graduate, "I've been caving in Wales a lot this year and it's only like some of the Welsh bits of traversing." "Hmm." thought the Schoolmistress, "it seems that Welsh is synonymous with nasty and I don't fancy messing about on nasty Welsh bits." "We'll go on at floor level." called the Demon Doctor and the Schoolmistress. Meanwhile strains of "Roll Out The Survey Tape." could be heard from Ray and Dave along the passage.
"Cor blimey," expostulated Dave shivering in the draughty passage, "if this is what surveying is about you can keep it. I'm a sport caver me, that's living alright." "OK, OK," said Ray sternly, suddenly adopting the Schoolmaster persona, "who's carrying on with me to Cobweb Chamber?" But answer came there none.
"Our contracts said nothing about Cobweb Chamber." said the Pinewood mob. "There's pigs to be eaten and beer to be drunk." They exited stage left.
So the weary team left the cave in dribs and drabs ("We aren't drabs!" said Jane and Angela together) to join the festivities at the Farm. But who knows what further adventures await them on their next visit to THE CRG EXTENSIONS.