Two Million Years on Casterton Fell.
noticed that now the fell is open that all sorts odd groups come up to
Easegill? However the weirdest group came here late at night on the
wildest night of the year,
usually November 3rd. – Halloween., Long ago I stayed at the farm on this night all alone, putting
up with all sorts of noises
until I heard a weird Dr. Who like sound and getting up sure enough there was a
police telephone box in the car park
with a caver emerging with a barrel of Theakstones Old Peculier.
Bloody Hell I thought - pirates! Wait until
Peter Muckalt and Andy Hall find out! So I rushed down the stairs finding them full of a party of kids. “Why don’t you book with the CNCC and Peter Muckalt” I asked.
A little Kid squeaked up “It’s because the
CNCC and Peter Muckalt don’t believe
that our address exists and its not so far
to Proxima Centuari, Your nearest star, planet Zircon, Trog caving club
- every one in the
universe knows us except
know now’t. Mind you we are a bit wild known throughout the universe but we‘re not as bad as the NPC or NCC who are universally infamous“
The Trog caving club were a bit weird and wild! Once my eyes began to focus I was able to see them. They were four feet tall, covered in scales with large eyes on stalks, built in gills, webbed feet that locked onto rope like birds feet, a glowworm luminous body with a light on the head, and best of all large knobbly private parts that doubled up for us as descenders!
Soon thinqs got interesting as they talked caving - apparently they visited caving areas early on in time - pre ice age, discussed theories in the pub and then visited the caves via the time machine to see if their theories were correct. (Hence the Tardis a crude mini minor of Space ships) in different times of development ranging from 1 million BC to 1 million AD when Chapel le Dale flows to Barbon Rising. “We’ve done them all; now we just go sporting caving, like today’s grade 10 trip - Ullet Gill via Keld Head sump, Notts Sump, Earby - Lancaster Hole sump and then out of Bullpot of the Witches. No dry connections in 1965 see not like AD 1 million, show cave with train from Chapel le Dale to Barbon via huge dry tunnels; oh no!”
“Well” I said, trying to egg them on “What a load of rubbish. Show us a survey” The leading caver with one eye, put out the light and placed a small box on the table. All of a Sudden in 3D effect a wonderful scale model of the fells appeared just like a scene seen from an aero plane. Touching it in wonder I found the farm and trees and gill did not exist, it was a hologram. Suddenly the image of the fells lit up and caves were shown - as thin tubes in perfect detail in true shape with mud on floors and apparent water running through master caves. Sumps were represented with green water. Better still when the Trog pointed at Fall Pot or somewhere, a little scale sized man could he seen following the route of his finger. With a snap of his finger that section appeared to lift out to whatever scale you wanted, even to life size, to demonstrate holds for a climb etc potential for digs etc. (Won’t Jim be envious)
ignorant at that time as what
was what and where but working from Kingsdale I just noticed a large
unexpected passage below Marble Steps heading for Ireby with an inlet near to
Little Pot when there was a knock on the door - in burst Jim Newton, Batty a
nutter (EPC) and Lugger and the Brook brothers. By this time three Trogs had
enlarged the survey to roam
size; Jim was ecstatic at the Casterton end seeing what was later to be
“Well”, I said what is the future caving trip? “Well”, replied the Trog, ‘passages ‘grow’ downwards at one foot per thousand years, now in the future no ice age occurs due to the greenhouse effect of industry so the caves just keep growing. In 67000 AD the Perseus sump in Dale Barn opposite Keld Head going to Crosslands passage Keld Head is dropped by 65ft. so that Keld Head drains with Dale Barn (alt 830 down to Dryqill 775) this provides a dangerous fast flowing river in Dale Barn followed by huge 70ft. square passage all the way to KMC this is now like Lost Johns master cave with a walk right up to a 60ft. high passage right up to Yordas with a branch near Keld Head with a short free dive to Marble Steps (rather like 1980 Rowton), and another exit via rift, Around this time Leck Head Beck has dropped some 60ft. providing fine long passages and canals in Lost Johns and a swim to Pippikin.
AD is really exciting, the Nott 2 extension is now worn right down and Leck
Beck originally at 700ft. with Keld Head at 850ft now drains Keld Head and the
River Dee now sinks via
At that point
a drunken Duncan arrives, trips and falls on top of a female Trog causing her
to experience a cosmic orgasm, so thrilled is she that she takes him via the
Tardis to Easegill in year 1 million AD; this by now drains to its lowest paint
- Barbon or Dent. He returns after taking a Meregill Dent rising trip, now a
show cave with a train; he is never the same again. “Well” I said when we had recovered “Never mind the future
what was the past like?” “Well” he says Just like the theories Barbondale re
ice age flows down Bullpot and Easegill down Ireby 2 with Kingsdale. The first
man in 1 million BC was of course George Cornes a timeless man, he’s been
around for ever but no one believes him. Later in 1540 people used to throw
grotty old women from Kirkby Lonsdale down Bullpot of the Witches, but when
they saw us they fled shouting -Devils and Demons.
”Well” I said where in the future? Ie: 250000AD Where do you go for gear and grub for gear an Grub”?
“Why to Inlesport and Bernies of course - cavers come and go but good habits stay the same!”
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